Planet of Outlaws
by Verthril
Summary: "Ain't no thing like me, except me..." Then Starlord came along and called him a raccoon. It didn't translate, no one else in the galaxy he'd met had heard of a raccoon, no one except Peter Quill. So, being the proud being he was, Rocket went to find out just what the hell a raccoon was.
1. Chapter 1

Marvel owns the X-men and the Guardians of the Galaxy, no profit is to be made from this work.

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"Bad raccoon! Put down the...really big fricking gun..."

First of all, he knew it had to be a kid. They were pretty much universal in how they looked, cute but kinda annoying all the same. Too old to need their diaper changed even if they still whined like they had just shit their pants. The problem was this kid had Groot, his Groot, and like only he knew..._I am Groot_ also meant _Friend_.

"Make me." Rocket urged, flicking off the safety figuring that if the kid knew anything about guns then she'd know he was serious.

Well, as far as Rocket figured out, that just might have been Human for '_Kick me in the twig and cherries please_', because she sure as hell tried. One second she was pointing a chastising finger at him, the next...pop. They weren't the pretty lights Groot could do, no, these ones hurt. Wondering just which half of the Starlord himself was Human could wait because currently he had some whiskers to put out.

"Eee...shit! I just set a raccoon on fire! Fire extinguisher, fire extinguisher, where's the...oh!"

Apparently the kid wasn't so far removed from whatever evolutionary tree Pete fell out of as not to go and do something completely reckless and stupid, which was to put out him...the one and only Rocket, and just maybe he was a raccoon in some distant ancestry. As far as fire suppression went she might just as well have thrown a bucket of water at him. The problem was she hadn't, so he was currently all kinds of pissed off and covered in foam, which...actually gave him an idea.

Terra was about as loose as a hacked protocol droid, but they had this thing called Wikipedia which was helpful with understanding Starlord. Actually the Youtube thing helped a lot more when it came to understanding Pete...but as for Humans in general Wikipedia was pretty solid.

"I got Rabies!"

Kid froze, stopped, and jerked back like he'd just bit her. If he was a raccoon, not that he was saying he was, but just...if...then maybe it wasn't as bad as some folks made it sound like. Everything he'd read up on them painted them as smart, devious little bastards. Completely opportunistic and they seemed like something you pissed off at your own peril. All his best qualities in a nutshell.

That wasn't to say Humans weren't kind of weird when it came to the signals they gave off, she was red in face and looked like he had just tried to get fresh with her. So far as he could figure, that meant she was either on her way to becoming an adult or...

"Paf!"

...turning out to be a cute and cuddly version of Drax with all the pain and half the literalism. _Paf_ didn't translate, but he kinda figured it meant '_you bad/you go away/you hurt now_'.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Rocket yelled, snatching at her comically simple fire suppression device to put out the fresh flames that danced across his fur.

Apparently Humans came with an off switch, because the kid's eyes rolled back in her head and she was out cold. Smacking paw to face, any chances of interrogating her to find out where Groot was would have to wait until she woke up. Scratching his ear and looking around the docking bay or whatever the hell it was, he figured he'd start without her when a twitch and flick of his ear had him hearing something familiar, music.

"Ooga Chaka, Ooga Ooga, Ooga Chaka, Ooga Ooga..."

Grinning full of fangs, he knew that music just as sure as Groot did. The only problem was Groot liked kids, so that pretty much meant he'd like this kid. Looking down at her slumped form, she was kind of cute now that she wasn't trying to set him on fire.

"Where's Drax when I need him haul something heavy?"

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_Twenty Four Hours Earlier..._

"Hey! I'm walking here!"

Kicking the bumper of the car, Rocket dared the Human to even think about accelerating, smirking as the driver instead decided to back down after making all that noise what with the screeching and the awful honking. Planet of Outlaws his furry ass.

"I still can't tell if I love this rock or hate it."

Usually Groot would have had something insightful to say right about then. Even his smiling face conveyed almost as much as everything he had so beautifully articulated throughout their friendship. The only problem was that Groot was missing...and he felt more alone than ever.

"Ain't no thing like me, except me..."

Or Groot. Groot was one of a kind just like him, and no one had ever seen another like them so they got writ off as something less than they were. Then Starlord came along and called him a raccoon. It didn't translate, no one else in the galaxy he'd met had heard of a raccoon, no one except Peter Quill. So, being the proud being he was, he went to find out just what the hell a raccoon was.

Whatever the lady at the flower shop had written on the piece of paper matched up with the sign for the shop, and one constant throughout the galaxy was proven as he looked at it. Tourist traps all looked the same. Except this tourist trap had Groot, or at least the lady had sold Groot to the guy that ran it. Having once been in the bounty hunting business, maybe the trading of beings for cold hard currency wasn't exactly something he was squeamish about, except when the being in question was Groot.

"All this because I figured he could use a new pot because the old one was looking kinda small..." Rocket muttered, his moment of consideration for his friend the gift that just kept giving.

The door was open just like the sign advertised. Flipping it over, the shop was officially closed for business until he was done and any Human who couldn't read would be in for a nasty surprise.

"How can I help...oh, it's just a raccoon. At least it's not a rat this time. Shoo, get!"

Grinning up at the Human, he gave the man a minute to realize he wasn't just some raccoon. Everywhere he went on this rock people either ignored him or couldn't stop gawking.

"Where's Groot?"

"Did a raccoon just...?"

"Oh yeah, I just talked."

It was a good day to be armed for a breakout because the way he saw it, this rock was his and all the Humans were just living on it.

"Just tell me what's a Groot and I'll tell you if I've seen a Groot!"

"Well, he's kind of like one of those, except he's Groot."

It was a shitty imitation made out of some cheap polymer crap called plastic, but it was a potted plant that merrily bobbed about, simple enough that even the primitive could understand. Sure enough the man's eyes lit up, eagerly crawling to him to beg for his life.

"I sold one! Hours ago I sold a Groot! I'm sorry! But, but, but I can pull some video from the DVR so you can see who I sold it to!"

"Show me."

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_Thirty Minutes Earlier..._

Sticky could dance, Jubilee saw him dance back at the store. He looked kind of sad and lonely when she first saw him sitting there in his little flower pot along with some bouquets of roses that looked just as wilted and weary as he did. Then he started dancing and she was sold. She spent all her allowance and everything she had made from extra chores on Sticky, and now Sticky was sad again and wouldn't dance.

"Thirsty?" Jubilee asked, watering his little pot with some Evian she had snagged from the fridge.

He looked a little less wilted but no less sad. Thinking back to the what had been going on when he had danced so merrily, music had been playing but she couldn't remember what. It was just something in the background as she browsed around the neat little shop in NYC.

Rolling out of her bed and running over to her desk, she snagged her tablet and loaded up her 8tracks app for some music. Ten minutes into one of her favourite playlists still had Sticky looking sad. Shuffling through her eclectic tastes for another ten minutes had her getting bored and feeling a bit gloomy.

The house was too quiet, Jean and Scott were off on a date and she was definitely old enough that she didn't need a babysitter (even if Scott had tried to haggled with Jean to hire one just to keep her out of trouble). It was way too quiet without Logan around. Looking to his battered old cowboy hat he'd left behind for her along with his letter, she took it as a keepsake and a promise that he'd be back for it. She was just keeping it safe, it was his favourite hat after all, so of course he'd come back for it...

"Country?" Jubilee asked of Sticky, looking for something suitably depressing for the both of them.

One song in and now Sticky was looking extra sad and somehow she thought it was all for her. Offering him a lopsided smile as she looked into his concerned little eyes, she leaned in and gave him a little kiss to the cheek.

"Who's awesome? You're awesome. So lets find you something awesome to listen to."

Typing up that word alone, Awesome Mix Vol. 1 was the first hit and looked promising. Queueing up and suffering through an ad, a distant bang in the otherwise empty house had her on her feet and listening at her door.

"You stay here Sticky, I'm gonna check it out..."

Jean and Scott were nice people, way nicer than any other foster family she'd ever had. Maybe that was why Logan had left her with them, of course that wasn't to say she wasn't going to give him all kind of shit when he finally came back for his hat.

"Jean?"

Jean and Scott were also like her and Logan, they could do stuff ordinary humans couldn't. They were mutants, and since Jean was a telepath that meant it probably wasn't her who had made that loud bang, mostly because Jean would have already told her to go back to bed like all the times she'd been up for a midnight snack of the ice cream variety.

"Scott?"

Balling her fists, she walked through the empty house that felt a bit less welcoming than it had for the past few months. It was a nice brownstone in an affluent neighbourhood in Manhattan, the Summers just as affluent what with Jean being a Doctor and Scott a pilot. Pausing at the door to the garage, something stunk. Opening it a crack, she saw a face that usually she thought was cute but not so much tonight , a raccoon.

Except this one had somehow gotten into the Summer's garage where Scott kept the first love of his life, or so Jean teased Scott about his Harley. The very same Harley she'd just detailed yesterday to make some money that she had just spent on Sticky. Jubilee wasn't about to let some raccoon go getting it dirty with his grubby little paws.

"Drop the refuse and put your hands where I can see them!"

Starting strong after kicking open the door hoping to scare off the furry little intruder, something about this raccoon stuck out. He looked way too smug standing there thinking he was people, he looked as if he was waiting for her put together a punch line except that he'd be the one laughing. Pointing a scolding finger at him, she was a little less sure of herself as she tried again, because there was no way this raccoon was armed, that was crazy talk even from a mutant like herself.

"Bad raccoon! Put down the...really big fricking gun..."

"Make me."

Everything after that moment was Paf, panic, and fire. All up until the walking talking and heavily armed raccoon took the fire extinguisher away and proved she wasn't dreaming. The darkness behind her eyes wasn't so bad after that, and with how quiet everything was she heard some music playing, her last conscious thought a simple one, hoping that Sticky liked it.

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	2. Chapter 2

Marvel owns the X-men and the Guardians of the Galaxy, no profit is to be made from this work.

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The shower had done him good, whatever the hell they used to put out fires on this rock it sure as heck stunk, not to mention his fur had been a mess. Enjoying a long, shivering shake, he felt ready to get back on with his rescue mission, or at least just as soon as his flight suit was finished with its delicate cycle. Pulling out a couple of drawers at the vanity, a few careful steps and hops had him up with his mug staring back at him in the mirror.

"Ah, they'll grow back quick enough." Rocket muttered to himself in regards to his singed whiskers, though usually he only had himself to blame what with his interests and hobbies.

Kid had been lighter than she looked, and thankfully enough she hadn't woken up once as he dragged her on up for a nap. Her room was easy to pick out, it was the one with Groot. Credit where it was due, the kid had been taking care of him, keeping him watered and even finding some tunes for him to enjoy. Happy to see Groot as he was him, he'd tucked the kid in albeit down on the floor before seeing to getting cleaned up.

"What the hell's Listerine?"

A sniff had his eyes watering even as he sneezed, but if there was one thing he had learned from the plethora of seedy watering holes he'd hit up between jail breaks, usually the worse it smelt the more kick it packed. Slugging back a belt and swishing it around for consideration, it tasted like gut rot and candy as he swallowed.

"What the fuck!?" The kid asked immediately after throwing open the bathroom door.

Too busy as he was scavenging after his shower, it turned out the kid must have been a light sleeper, or at least the evidence pointed in that direction what with her standing frozen in shock at the threshold. Just as he caught her eyes in the mirror though she slammed the door shut, the last he saw her being a face flushed and lips drawn into a nervous, twitchy line.

"You're real?!" Kid shrieked from out in the hall.

"I'm real!" Rocket shouted back, snatching a towel just nearly right his size from beside the sink and wrapping it about his waist.

The door opened a crack and out in the dark of the hall he saw Kid peeking in with her face lit by her glowing fist. A sidelong look saw his current blaster leaning up in the corner of the bath, just a quick tumble away and set to stun if Kid needed a less than voluntary nap. Trying to prove he wasn't looking for a fight, he assumed the familiar position with his hands up for the authorities, spinning around to show he wasn't armed...a moot point what with her catching him with his pants down.

But by the time his dog and pony show was over with though she had a different look in her eyes, one that painted her less likely to blast him, looking a lot more curious and...strangely pained. Her features turned dark as her pallor turned sickly with the lights sparkling around her fist dying. Hissing out of irritation and thinking he could use another belt of Listerine, she must have gotten an eyeful of the hardware that made a mess of his back.

"There's a hair dryer in the bottom drawer..." Kid whispered as she drew the door closed between them.

Scratching at a bit of stubborn water in his ear and listening to the quiet steps that lead off down the hall, no doubt for the second time tonight Groot was going to be asking what he did to the Kid, and just like the last time he hadn't done a thing other than be the being he was. Scampering back up to the counter for another swig, as he enjoyed the burn he got to reading the back of it.

"What d'ya mean ya ain't supposed to drink it? Shoddy frelling translation mod..."

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Leave it to a walking, talking raccoon to make himself at home. It was supposed to be a dream, one fuelled by a dinner of Sugar Bombs and the kind of movies Jean and Scott wouldn't let her watch...the kind she and Logan watched from hotel to motel back when they'd been living a life on the road. Sitting cross-legged on her bed with Sticky nestled upon her lap, Jubilee waited.

The problem was the house was too quiet even with the music playing that Sticky loved, he'd been dancing when she woke up and that had been magic to see. He wasn't dancing so much right then, he was staring up at her with the kind of deep soulful eyes reserved for dogs, wordlessly begging to know what was wrong and how to make things right. Clenching her own eyes tight against her tears, visions of her furry intruder wouldn't leave her alone.

"He's Groot."

Startled and feeling foolish for it, Jubilee wondered just how long he'd been standing there, Mister Raccoon and his really big fricking gun...that was thankfully nowhere in sight.

"What?" Asking after his question, she wondered what a Groot was.

"Not what, who, and you're holding him."

Sparing a glance down at Sticky, he was smiling up at her in a way that had to be his way of saying _Hi_. Groot did sound a lot better than her placeholder, and it explained what the raccoon was doing in the garage earlier, at least if she read between the lines.

"What's your name?" Jubilee asked, watching him wander into her room completely uninvited in just a handtowel.

"Rocket. "

"Jubilee." He hadn't asked, but it helped to fill the quiet to tell him.

She had more questions on the tip of her tongue, like how could a raccoon talk and walk like he was people, and just what Groot was. Rocket looked like he had some questions too, but he wasn't asking as much as looking at all her photos and postcards from her time together with Logan. He was paying a lot of attention to the map Jean bought her, full of push tacks and string, each one a story wrestled out one lonely night to the next, Jean was devious like that. The stories helped as much as they hurt, stuck with the Summers just waiting for Logan to come back.

"What was Groot doing in some tourist trap?" Jubilee asked, needing something, anything to think of other than Logan.

"Some broad up and sold him on me while I was checking out new pots for him, and that's a mistake no one is gonna be making again anytime soon."

"Are you an alien?" The question tumbled out too fast for her to even consider it.

"Do I look like an alien?" Rocket asked, turning his gaze on her as she sat there with Groot.

"...you look like a raccoon." Her mumbled reply had her feeling foolish, wondering if some aliens had gotten bored of cows and moved onto something a little less...weird.

It would explain his back, but she didn't need much help to imagine just the kind of things that must have been done to him to make him like that. Like Jean, she could be devious when she wanted, and she could guilt Logan into talking when he got a bit too chatty in his sleep...or when he got to screaming and thrashing and needing a stiff drink and a cold shower when she finally woke him up.

And just like Logan, Rocket had that look of a man...racoon...that didn't like being reminded of it, didn't like being looked on with pity. So she looked to Groot and lost herself in those not quite puppy dog eyes of his and wished she could hug him like one, because she sure could use a hug. The sound of the washer chiming off on a finished cycle was just unexpected enough to draw away her thoughts from all the depressing feelings she'd been running away from since California.

"You're doing laundry?!" Jubilee asked, her voice a mix of surprise and disbelief.

"Hey, you're the one that doused me with whatever that crap was."

Feeling embarrassed as she was at the reminder of both setting him on fire and then putting him out, she couldn't feel so mad over him breaking on in what with knowing he'd been rescuing Groot. That was something friends did.

"You hungry?" She was feeling a little hungry herself, her Pafs tended to do that.

"Starving." Rocket answered with a show of feral fangs.

"K, go get your clothes drying and I'll go whip something up."

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"What did you call this stuff again?"

"Chili." Kid answered, Jubilee was a name he'd have to get used to.

"You made this?" Rocket asked before wolfing down another hefty spoonful, whatever this Chili was he was gonna need some for the road...not to mention a recipe so he could try and find a few analogs of the ingredients around the galaxy.

"Does heating it up count?" Kid, Jubilee asked with an empty can for show.

"It comes in a can?" Cans were universal, why waste perfectly good gigawatts on a matter replicator when they could be used for cannons or thrusters.

Jubilee looked thoughtful, the kind of thoughtful when they were trying to think of something that hadn't been put in a can. Rocket had seen a good number of systems and their jails included, the more civilized ones he'd 'visited' tended to be the kind that had everything you needed at one surplus or another. It made things easy when you needed to get out of system fast.

"Uh yeah, and like...I'm pretty sure we even got underwear that comes in a can..."

"I love this rock!" Hooting and enjoying another spoonful of chili, he was going to have to get some of that Evian stuff too that the kid was giving Groot, because Groot sure looked to like it.

The now familiar ding of his laundry rang from somewhere down the hall, and even before he could think to go after it the kid was gone in a shot. She was probably getting a bit sick of worrying about his towel falling down, he couldn't blame her, it was getting a little drafty. Catching Groot looking at him, Rocket rolled his eyes back at his friend who didn't even need to say anything to say something.

"Okay, okay, I'll try and make it up to the kid." Rocket muttered under his breath.

Between the kid, Jubilee, being out whatever she paid for Groot, he kinda felt like he owed her for taking care of his best bud in the whole galaxy. As far as the garage incident went, he figured they were even what with him getting the short end of that stick. A slam and hurried feet had Kid back with his flight suit looking fresh and clean.

"Alright, put some pants on. I'll give ya five, I forgot my phone back up in my room. Scott will have my ass if I miss him texting that they're coming home late." Jubilee announced, tossing the flight suit down on a chair.

It wasn't like he had to be told twice, as soon as she was nothing more than feet vanishing up the stairs he got to getting dressed. There was something to be said for clothes nice and toasty from that dryer of theirs. Usually he just hung his up in the engine room and let them dry by the exhaust heat...which usually left them a little on the stiff side.

"Hey kid, ya can come down now! How long does it take for her to find her phone, whatever that is..."

He didn't like that she wasn't answering, this kid hadn't been one not to speak her mind as far as he had seen. Groot looked to be getting worried too and that was all it took for Rocket to get his ass in gear. All bets were off as he got to the stairs and heard kid screaming, by the time he found her in her room she was curled up on the floor clutching her head.

"Kid, kid? Jubilee!" Rocket shouted, dashing in on all fours.

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Jubilee knew the restaurant from a visit with the Summers to celebrate a promotion that Jean had earned at the hospital. It was a reminder of her old life, a restaurant that boasted its accolades in Michelin stars and the celebrities and socialites who dined there. It was a place for quiet conversation and reserve, for deals made at the bar over cocktails and a handshake. And like her old life, all at once the glitter and glamour became ash and ruin.

"Scott!" Jean's voice rose above the screaming and panic.

Turning through the smoke, Jubilee looked for the woman who had opened her heart to her, who had listened to all the stories of Wolvie she had to tell and even shared a few of her own. The lady doctor knelt against the debris strew across the once pristine floors, the flare of her power visible and manifest by the way dust rain down an unseen barrier. With her several patrons trapped under rubble lay, struck dumb by the disaster that had fallen on their evening.

"Jean!" Jubilee cried, her own panic clutching her heart as the lady doctor spared her a glance.

"Run Jubilee, run and find Logan!" Jean gasped, her breath coming hard and fast as she struggled with her burden.

Looking on that very burden, part of the roof had caved in and were Jean not the woman she was then those trapped beneath it surely would have been crushed. Looking for Scott out of the smoke that rose from numerous fires, in the distance the call of sirens could be heard promising help if only they would reach in time. A flash of red cut through the dismal scene and she saw him unleash his cursed vision on an attacker who charged at him in a ridiculous armour that looked like it should belong in some television show instead of one of Manhattan's top restaurants.

Spotting another rising from where he had lain prone, Jubilee saw that Scott didn't see this latest attacker and found her resolve to even the odds. Holding her fists out and letting her emotions get the better of her, the Pafs didn't come as she called, trying again and again until the awful moment that Scott was laid low with a blow to the back of his head.

"Jean? Jean!?" Jubilee shrieked, growing more frantic as she saw the others surround the lady doctor.

"Run Jubilee, they could be coming for our home next! Run!" Jean ground out through clenched teeth, her eyes flaring with her own anger and finding strength in it.

The rubble and ruin that had been her burden was unleashed on those that surrounded her, and rising in challenge to face her attackers Jean looked to burn with seething rage. The fight became a fog of screaming that stirred things within Jubilee as she watched it grow distant, felt the darkness take Jean as it surly had taken Scott. Alone in that darkness knowing people she cared about her had been taken again, Jubilee felt her eyes grow damp as the world shifted and a new voice called her.

"Kid, kid? Jubilee!"

It was a voice rugged and rough, harsh without being unkind or uncaring. It sounded like a voice she knew and that only made her chest ache all the more knowing he wasn't there to keep her safe.

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The lights were on but no one was home, her eyes stared sightlessly so far past him that she might as well have been looking for her rock's moon. Damn ready to hit up their Wikipedia for some quick info, maybe even try that Google thing, Rocket heard a noise that didn't belong on some backwater planet in the wrong arm of the galaxy.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Rocket shouted, forgetting the kid for the moment to chase after his blaster that was making a racket back in the bathroom.

One of the first mods he'd hooked up to it had been a scanner for most frequencies the authorities of the galaxy liked to use, a bit of an early warning system. It wasn't like he was figuring on hearing it much what with earning himself a nice clean slate from the Nova Corps, maybe the usual beep of the local law enforcement, but this...this was bad.

"Shi'ar! What's a Shi'ar carrier doing in this system!?"

Like most beings, he had a few very important rules he lived by, and right up near the top was one about not messing with any race that went around building Galactic Empires. And just like the Kree, the Shi'ar had a few colourful characters like Ronan who any sane being didn't want to meet, not in this life or the next.

"Oh this is not good." Rocket muttered, squelching out the noise to see that there had to be Shi'ar boots suborbital.

Upping the stun setting from a polite suggestion to take a nap right to a firm lights out order, Rocket slung his blaster over his shoulders and ran back to the kid. Looking like she was coming off a hell of a bender on the kind of swill you needed certain organs or enhancements to enjoy, asking her what happened to her could wait with the warning his blaster was screeching in his ear.

"Get down!" Rocket roared, doing something he hated doing, playing a hero like Pete.

The familiar ring of an explosion deafened him, feeling shrapnel and debris rain down on him as he did his damnedest to try and keep the kid safe.

"Where's Drax when I need him!?" Rocket yelled, even if he couldn't hear his own angry shout.

Jubilee didn't need to be told to run if how she was manhandling him was any indication, one second they were laying in the remains of her shattered room, the next she was out in the hall making a dash for the kitchen. Somewhere she picked up a stupid looking hat and a bag that kept battering him as she held him. It had bug out bag written all over it and scored her a few more points in his book.

Groot was tucked away in the bag before he could even ask what the heck was going on, and just as he was wondering himself Rocket saw the answer as they bolted back to where he had met the kid in the first place.

"What the hell are we doing here?!" Rocket barked, hoping the kid didn't think they were safe there.

"Just what Jean said, running." Jubilee whispered, tears rolling down her flushed cheeks as sobs wracked her tiny frame.

Keys he knew, but keys to what Rocket didn't know until a canvas was pulled off of something sitting in the corner of the loading bay...garage as his mod finally translated. Whatever it was, it looked fast and dangerous and his kind of fun. Jubilee hopped on and after cranking the key and giving it a kick to some lever the shiny new toy came to life with a throaty growl.

"Oh I want one. Hey kid, you know that big bit of green you got in the middle of this place?"

"Central park?" Jubilee asked, fiddling with a little remote on the ring of keys until the garage door opened.

"My ship's there, what say we make with the running, I got our backs."

For as scared as she looked, at the mere mention of a ship she looked just that big curious in all the right ways. Grinning at her full of fangs knowing something about that expression did her good, he scrambled up to the back of the bike and hunkered down with the business end of his blaster pointed at anyone who might come after them.

Howling into the night as the kid peeled out in a screeching cry of tires and plume of smoke, he had the only things he needed on this rock right with him. Groot, his blaster, and trouble chasing his furry tail. He didn't have long to live, so he might as well enjoy the time he had, even if that meant pissing off the rank and file of an empire that could give the Kree a run for their credits.

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